HOF's 273-9 dec (Chapman 81, Hopper 53) drew East Horsley 221-4 (Launder 42, Chisall 60 n.o.)

A glorious summers days and the possibly the most picturesque ground in the league were the venue for HOFs opening league game.  The pitch looked firm but clearly an over zealous groundsman with possibly a wholesale discount on loam had prepared a tumulus of a square that had a step at either end.  According to skipper Hopper Headley had arrived with a strong batting line up "All 11 Headley players have scored a century" although he did confess later that he did not know two players.

HOF's won the toss and sensing a 40 point day elected to bat.  "Caveman Campo" started the innings in his usual thug like manner creaming a drive through the covers only to be foiled by some excellent fielding.  Perhaps this added to the frustration but when dobber T.Drake opened at the other end a wild flick outside off stump had him walking back to the pavilion for 1. 

This brought to the crease the in-form Chapman and he and Hopper must have decided early on that running between the wickets on such a hot day was about as enticing as having someone rub Deep Heat on the inside of your box before going out to bat.  So the runs came thick and fast almost all in boundaries, prompted by a monster straight drive back over the bowler (T.Drake) for 6 by Hopper.  Whilst Launder provided menace at the other end both Hopper and Chapman had the better of T.Drake.  The scoring accelerated when off-spinner P.Drake came on and served up some juicy full tosses which were aptly put away.  Had the boundary not been so long at either end or had the cut grass not been left on the outfield to provide buffering the number of boundaries would have been even higher.

Hopper crossed the 50 mark first in 40 balls, Chapman followed suit a few moments later.  When quizzed about his relatively slower 50 Chapman commented "Well look, I faced all the decent bowling from Launder whilst Hopper ate all the pies served up by the spinner.  Perhaps today he [Hopper] was faster than me but over the long run you'll see that a class technique will always outperform a good eye".

A good eye or not Hopper misread the wrong one from P.Drake, consequently the only decision that Dicke Doran had to make was whether to lift the left forefinger or the right.  Hopper was gone and the 135 run partnership was over but HOF's were 157-2.  Smith came and went as did Hufton who was out to a great catch a backward square leg.  When Chapman (81) departed to a pie from the spinner P.Drake (see comment above !) by holing out to mid on, it paved the way for, "Gun-Show Gibbons", who over the winter had clearly mistaken a tub of steroids for his one-a-day iron supplement.

The score moved along at pace with some crisp back foot drives from Gun-Show, although the long boundaries prevented fours being registered the now geriatric but not quite senile Haywood showed his fitness by running four on two separate occasions.  Bridges, Winslet, Haywood and Gun-Show all scored quickly chipping in the odd 20 or 30 runs and the by the time the declaration had been made HOF's had scored what seemed an insurmountable 273.  When complimented on his shot making Gun-Show simply rolled back a sleeve to his armpit, pointed to his arm and said "Boom boom!. With guns like this you don't need footwork, lucky for them they took the spinner off when I came on or they would have needed a whole box of balls".

Banana-man Bridges opened the bowling at the pavilion end and produced some great swing which beat the outside edge of the bat on at least 3 balls in every over.  The slip cordon was tense as they realised that the variable bounce would most likely mean they would be missing the probable catch coming their way.  Hufton at the other end was bowling with all the accuracy of a sun-dial at night with wides both leg and offside a signature theme in his opening spell.

Credit to the East Horsley bats, despite the huge total they simply put their heads down with the intent of being there at the end, and with the least fuss saw the scoreboard tick over to the hundred mark with only Bridges making an in road with a beauty that swung from outside leg to hit middle and off.  Hufton was removed and replaced by the off-cutters of Chapman but the penetration was not there.  East Horsley, despite only turning up with 10, had a solid top order and by the time that Launder (42) was seen off the remaining overs made a HOF win seem unlikely.  Desperate measures were needed and desperate measures were certainly taken - Hopper brought himself on at the pavilion end to complement the luckless Waller who was producing his usual in-swing with the odd straight one sprinkled in.  Whilst Hopper would contend he was spinning the ball the resulting 6 arm-balls would indicate otherwise.  When Waller finally got a break through with an swinger that defeated the batsman's off drive Hopper followed with a ball to which either of the two following comments could be applied, "the batsman missed a pie that should been smeared all over the leg-side boundary" or "the batsman was defeated in the air by some canny flight and drift".  Again a simple LBW decision for Dickie.

Chisall and Tragar (probably misspelt due to the scorer's terrible handwriting) took the score to and beyond the 200 mark.  Both survived close stumping calls from keeper Patel, the second of which was turned down by the umpire despite the batsman not being inside the crease after as well as before the appeal.  "I can't see the line" was the reason from the umpire, which can only mean that he was standing there to improve the suntan on his neck or to do a good impression of a scarecrow.

By now the pace of the game had reduced to that of an asthmatic, one legged spider going uphill whilst carrying two carrier bags of shopping.  Had this been a game of chess a draw would have been declared and drinking started.  Chapman closed out the proceedings with off-spin, which in all fairness should have been called off-.  Only one Hopper ball turned all day and that went for two byes as the keeper hadn't expected it. 

In the end everyone was glad to get of the pitch.   HOF's had a winning draw, but in summary - great weather, beautiful location, an advertisement for cricket this was not.