HOF's 215-7 dec (Mitchell 48) lost to Brockam Green 216-3 (Weide 134; Tapper 60 n.o.)

“We came, we saw... we dropped.” (Caveman Campo)

[It was obvious from the start: play delayed by rabbit droppings and rabbit holes. The writing was on the wall...]

A light blue sky and a frisky breeze greeted the players... at least those who hadn’t read the fixture card (Tom Hufton had remarked on the oddity of three away games in a row the week before... but it didn’t stop him turning up at Brockham). Luckily for Hufton, the rabbit-made potential for class action lawsuits had to be mitigated before play could start.

Which it did with the home side batting; the HOF skipper having won the toss and deciding to bat; to put a total on the board: his players didn’t let him down.

Simon "Caveman" Camp[o], the author of the Shakespearian quote, didn’t take long to settle; his batting may not be as subtle as the Bard’s prose, but the cricket ball doesn’t like him. The second ball of the innings disappeared for a brutal straight six, and despite trying to hide in the long Headley grass, the ball was eventually retrieved to face more punishment.

Campo had put on about 40 with his skipper, before the partnership fell victim to the Headley cabbage: a controlled Campo edge looked to be sailing wide of slip, so the caveman called his skipper through...and then the ball hit the grass and lost all momentum, giving the dextrous Brockham slipper the chance to grasp it and then, in the same motion, give the Headley skipper no chance by throwing down the timbers. A guilty Campo immediately ran to console his skipper, who told him to... get a big score.

At one down, Chapman strode in and played breezily, rather too breezily in the end, and was out for a 26 that promised a lot more.

Hufton was next and was gone all too soon. The Headley legend is going through a rough trot at the moment, but still attracted the loyal support of Headley’s new number one supporter, Nathan, who quite clearly knows the man’s class. "Runs are round the corner" I’m quite sure someone heard him mutter.

Ian Mitchell was ready to build a long innings after running the London marathon, but unfortunately not with Camp, who departed to a beauty that got more and more unplayable with each recollection. Suddenly HOF were 96 for 4.

Ricky ‘Gun Show’ Gibbons walked to the crease knowing a partnership was required, and he and Mitchell didn’t disappoint: putting on a vital 69 as both delivered some tasty blows either side of the wicket; ‘Gun Show’, who looks tantalisingly close to entering a rich vein of form, eventually undone by a ball that stopped in the wicket and departing for 32.

Mitchell continued to strike the ball with authority, particularly on the pull, and new man Dave Richardson was happy to nudge him on strike to lift the total. Unfortunately, Mitchell almost lifted himself off the ground with three enormous air shots, before a fourth cost him his castle, as well as a fifty, as he departed for a well-made 48.

Still, some subtle nudges from Patel and a couple of big swings from Tayyab had HOF declaring at 215 for 7 after 45 overs. Job done... now all HOF had to do was bowl well and take their chances. 

Tayyab and ‘Super Woll’ Hammond didn’t disappoint. Both bowled beautifully and the visitors were two down early on: a wobbler accounting for the opener and pressure accounting for a Chapman/Patel run-out.

At which point it went wrong.........

Had HOF taken their chances the game might have been interesting. But by dropping the league’s highest scoring batsman four times – three times early on – and by putting down the Skipper as well, HOF got what they deserved: a pasting.

The HOF skipper made a solid contribution to the carnage: dropping a fairly sharp chance early on, before redemption loomed off Hodgkiss, who had put a stinker of an opening over out of his mind and produced a tempting beauty that was sent obligingly down the skipper’s throat... and onto the grass...it was one of those days.

At close of play, Hufton was enthusiastically suggesting some intensive catching practice, as well as harsh penalties for those dropping chances. Mentions of the dentist chair, perhaps of the Lawrence Olivier (Dr Zell) style examination, were heard banded around. But the bottom line is this: HOF need to take their catches.

The team will not disappoint next week.

Editors comment: In truth the other three catches were dollies and clearly another three names should be in this report it seems Hopper is not one to name and shame.  But as Weide somewhat sheepishly held his bat aloft after scoring a ton on effectively his fourth innings he was heard to have mumbled "Perhaps I should have bought a lottery ticket today".........Early start next week - catching practice.