Shere 185 all out (Openshaw 70, Reid 24-3) beat HOF's 174 all out (Hammond 32)
 
Shere were the opponents at Headley Heath on Saturday and with the weather forecast looking as reliable as an MP's expenses, plus a little bit of "previous" between the teams all was primed for either a slog-fest or a slug-fest. As the captains strolled out onto the greensward to ponder their toss-winning options - bat first on a bit of a green custard or go for the bravado of insertion, it appeared that the rabbits had got there first and the ground looked more like Salisbury Plain after an army artillery practice session: so loam was needed and plenty of it, before battle could commence. Shere's returning-from-crippling-injury captain Openshaw proceeded to call the spinning halfpenny correctly and Shere were to have first bat on the blancmange.

Headley showed several changes from the previous week's experimental line-up and captain Dave "Woll" Hammond was lathering over the abundance of bowling talent at his disposal. With the Headley flag stretching it's sinews on the flagpole, previous matchwinner Andrew Hobbs opened up at the downwind Pavilion End and new recruit Paul "Rock DJ" Reid tore in manfully with hair flapping into the sirocco from the Cock End. Reid was a sight to behold; after a magnificent effort to get to the ground from somewhere in the Essex white-shoe belt he tore into the Shere batting, grunting and growling menacingly at the batsmen if they dared to get any wood on the ball at all. Hobbs was unlucky and soon replaced by the towering Gould who roomed with the Rock DJ at school and afterwards in what they call their "formative years". With his height one would expect Gould to bowl like Steve Harmison but unfortunately he bowled more like Steve Jobs and most of his balls were dealt with severely by the stalk-eyed Shere batsmen, although to be fair he did have two catches dropped off full-tosses by HOF's shell-shocked fielders. The Rock DJ however continued to huff and puff away at his turntables and finished an excellent spell with 9-3-24-3. HOF's however had failed to spot the deliberate mistake of failing to remove the aforementioned Openshaw who helped himself to a tasty 70 before being somewhat miraculously caught off of the Ashley arm-ball, or armless ball as it's better known, above his head by Andy Elburn who was fielding at cow corner somewhere down by the Leatherhead turnoff. Shere somehow scurried their way to 185 all out in the 44th over and tea was taken. In all 8 bowlers utilised by Hammond, but some of his previous froth had been wiped away from his mouth by the viciousness of the Headley hurricane.

HOF's opened up with the solid looking double David's partnership of Hufton and Richardson, and although scoring against a mixture of tight bowling and a friendless pitch was difficult, the runs gently accumulated and at 74-0 HOFs were surely in a match winning position. However this would have been too simple, and both David's fell in close proximity to each other in their 30's and HOF's looked to their middle order to win the match. Andy Elburn was playing solidly at one end and surely it only needed one of the young bucks to step up to the plate and help him to the line. The bucks stepped up, and then stepped back again as if felled by an invisible sniper finding easy pickings from one of the trees on the heath. The middle order had no order at all, and were dismissed for a paltry 30 runs between them and HOF's found themselves at 143-9 and in mortal danger of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. Hammond though had dropped himself down the order to accommodate the bucks, and now it was his turn to pick up the cudgel (enough already about fighting & wars surely - Ed) and slogged his way to a very useful 32 with Clarke as a silent partner at the other end and suddenly 13 were required from the last two overs! The two batsmen were running like gazelles to keep up with the required run-rate, and singles abounded ….. but then disaster, a bridge too far (I thought I said no more war references - Ed), the gazelles tried to turn an easy one into an unlikely two and Hammond was beaten by the unexpected direct hit at the stumps.

So, HOF's lost by 11 runs in another thrilling encounter and Hammond was heard to say afterwards that he thought that this was the type of Boys Own stuff that would bring the crowds back to village cricket and that every man had played their part in the battle (grrrrrrrr - Ed), but unfortunately this particular war had been lost (that really is enough - Ed).

Still, we live to fight another day.